The wait is over. Now it can be told.

You're all probably wondering how my Vegas trip went. Did I go one up on tao_experience and actually seal the deal with a honey at the club? Did I do humanity a favor by permanently removing everyone wearing Ed Hardy apparel from the gene pool? Did I lose my shirt at the tables and have to earn my way back home by breakdancing to the Sugar Hill Gang's "Apache"? Read on and find out!

Thursday, 11/19
In which I meet blibbalb, possibly see a porn star, and get shot down by a probably-fake lesbian

My day began at approximately 6 AM EST. After doing some last-minute packing and posting on this forum, I hopped on the Metro on my way to Ronnie Raygun National Airport. While I'm waiting for my plane to board, I hit up a bar/restaurant in my terminal and get a Sam Adams. It is not yet 9 AM at this point. Hey, I'm going to Vegas, I might as well get in the spirit, right?

My flight to Vegas was uneventful. I passed the time mainly by reading a biography of Johnny Unitas that a friend of mine lent me. Once I land in Vegas, I pick up my bag and hop in a cab. I'm pretty sure the cabbie screwed me, since the ride to the Palms cost $27, not including tip. Oh, well. Once I arrive at the Palms, I check in, unload my crap, and decide to get a feel for the lay of the land. In the process, I drop by the bar near the race and sports book for a few drinks. Hey, they have Pilsner Urquell. Kick-ass. Better yet, it's only $5. Maybe all the reports about drinks being expensive in Vegas have been exaggerated. While I'm enjoying my beverage, a man comes up to me and asks me how much my drink is. I tell him that it's $5. Apparently, he had just won some drink tickets, and he offers to sell them to me for that amount. Two drinks for the price of one. I like the sound of that. I take him up on his offer, and once I see the tickets, I see that they only cover domestic beers. Crap.

At this point, I still have a ton of time to kill until the evening, so I decide to take a cab to The Freakin' Frog, which is universally regarded as the best beer bar in Vegas. Naturally, my cabbie has no idea where this place is. (For the record, it's at the corner of Maryland and University.) After she calls in for directions, she takes me there without much issue. The main attraction for me is Westvleteren 12, which is like the Holy Grail for beer geeks. It's brewed by monks, and you're only supposed to be able to buy it at the monastery. Once I get there, I inquire about Westy. The bartender informs me that there's only one bottle left, he'd have to call the owner for permission to sell it, and it'd cost upwards of a C-note. I like quality beer, but not that much, so I decide to pass. I'm having trouble deciding now, so he allows me to come back into the fridge and pick something out. While there, I see a bottle of Alesmith Speedway Stout. This is something I've been wanting to try for a long time, so I immediately jump at the opportunity. Unfortunately, I have to say that I was underwhelmed. I think it was largely a product of the fact that it was served too cold, though. I also have a Fat Tire during my time there.

While at The Freakin' Frog, I see a girl who is a dead ringer for the porn star Rucca Page-face, rack, and all. Throw in the fact that Rucca is from Vegas, and I'm quite certain that this is in fact her. Unfortunately, she was talking on her cell phone while she was there and left immediately afterward, so I didn't get a chance to test my theory. In any event, once I head out, I see that there's an In-n-Out Burger across the street. After hearing so much about it, I had to give it a try. And I give it an enthusiastic thumbs-up. I was skeptical, but the burgers and fries can't be beat, especially for the price. I came to scoff but remained to pray. But I'm slightly annoyed because my budget's already blown to shit at this point.

Once I get back to the Palms, I head over to the race and sports book to catch the end of the Dolphins-Panthers game. I use my first drink ticket to purchase a whiskey sour, which I nurse while I watch Ricky Williams run wild. After the game ends, I change into my clubbing attire and catch a cab to the Venetian. Tao isn't even close to open at this point, so I decide to kill some time at the V Bar. While there, I nurse a Sierra Nevada, which is also reasonably priced. Hey, this Vegas thing might not be so bad! Once I'm done with my drink, I wander confusedly for a while until I reach Tao at around 9:50. While in line, I text blibblab asking where he is. He responds that he's still at his hotel, as he thought Tao opened at 10:30. I get in around 10:!5 and tell him to text me once he gets in. While I'm waiting, I see a guy in Marine dress blues. I go up to him and thank him for his service. He's apparently macking on this one chick, so he's not all too pleased by my presence. Once I sense that I've overstayed my welcome, I bail. Honestly, though, I'm not really a big fan of wearing military uniforms to the club. Trust me, folks. There's nothing in Vegas that's worth getting discharged over.

blibblab gets in around 11, and after a bit of phone tag, we meet up near the statues by the dance floor. I officially declare blib to be a cool cat, and not only because he bought me a whiskey sour. We discussed many topics, including metal (both for), Ed Hardy (against), and Obama (we seemed to be split). I did find it interesting to discover that despite being from Philly, he hates the Flyers and is a Penguins fan. Sellout.

We eventually parted ways, and I was most unequivocally unequipped to fly solo. I paced frantically around the club like the tigers I would see the next day and made a few futile efforts to engage the opposite sex in coversation. The most notable effort involved a mixed-sex group. I'm kind of eyeing this one girl, so one of the guys (who has an accent I can't quite place) says "she's all yours" and tries to force us together. The girl responds by saying something. I can't quite make out what she said, but it was accompanied by clear "do not want" hand signals. The guy informs me that she said that she was a lesbian. That's probably bullshit, but I'm not in much of a position to protest. I decide to bail around 2 and head back to the Palms empty-handed but with an important lesson in mind: fortune favors the bold.

Sounds like a good start can't wait to hear the rest. Love them Fat Tires.

Leaving for my solo trip in just about 10 hours. This trip report will help. Good god, I've got to drink some fat tire on this trip.

That's really lame - wearing a uniform to the club to impress chicks.

nice tr so far

Friday, December 20
In which I see Jerry Springer, stalk a girl at the Miracle Mile Shops, and check out some motherfucking dolphins

I wake up around 10 AM. The first thing I decide to do is look out my window and check out the view. It's actually quite nice. Gold Coast, the Rio, and the Wynn are all clearly visible. It's even nicer at night when they're all lit up. I suppose it's not all that, but it's better than Section 8 housing. I go downstairs to get some breakfast, accidentally walking into the women's restroom in the process. I head over to Blizzberry, and there's a lady behind me in line who resembles a cross between Victoria Gotti and a duck. PROTIP: too much collagen is not your friend. I then head over to the race and sports book and use my second drink ticket to get a gin and juice. After this, I decide to not take any chances and buy my wristband right away (it's around noon at this point). The lady at the Stuff Store tells me that she'd have to put my wristband on and stamp my hand right now. I decide to hold off. What to do in the meantime? Why not hit the Strip?

As I'm walking toward Las Vegas Boulevard, I see Planet Hollywood and decide that hitting up Todai would be a good idea. So I'm off to the Miracle Mile Shops. I liked Todai overall. The sushi wasn't world-class, of course, but it was more than good enough for all you can eat. One complaint, though. The miso soup had cabbage in it. WTF. Get with the program, Todai. It's seaweed or nothing. After I leave Todai, I decide to walk around the Miracle Mile Shops a bit, and as I'm wandering, I am struck by a vision of exquisite beauty. The chick working at the Sunglass Hut was a total dime piece. Perfect tits, perfect ass, perfect legs, pretty much perfect everything. She looked a bit older in the face (like maybe mid-thirties), but that just made her more milfariffic. I ended up circling the kiosk several times just to catch fleeting glimpses of her.

Now that I'm properly gorged, I decide to hit the Strip in earnest. But first, once I step outside of Planet Hollywood, I hear the unmistakable voice of Jerry Springer. I head over to a crowd that has formed, and sure enough, there's the man himself. He was apparently hosting some kind of America's Got Talent Live show, and he was out there promoting it with a few song routines. He was actually pretty good.

As I walked the Strip, I was struck by a few things. First, no one is ever involuntarily sober in Vegas. Just about everywhere you go is a stone's throw from a bar or a liquor store or a margarita stand or something like that. Second, I enjoyed the spectacle of Salvation Army workers side by side with porn card flickers. Only in Vegas. On a much sadder note, I couldn't help but be moved by the homeless people on the elevated walkway between the Bellagio and Caesars Palace. It was just incredibly striking to see such desparate poverty juxtaposed with decadent opulence. OK, that's enough social awareness out of me. Back to the TR!

I decide to start my Strip crawl by heading south toward the airport. Along the way, I stop in NYNY and give Pour 24 a try. They had a decent selection, but nothing really worth going out of your way for. I had a Stone Ruination IPA and another Fat Tire. From there, it was off to Mandalay Bay to check out the goddamn Shark Reef Aquarium. I was initially worried because I followed the signs and ended up at a giant line. Luckily, it turned out to be for some UFC bullshit. I kept walking and finally made it to the aquarium. It was just as rad as I expected it to be, although I'm not sure why there were Komodo dragons at an aquarium. For one thing, there was a ray petting tank, although one of the rays got pissed and splashed at me. Second, it had a couple of those tanks that arch over you so the fish swim over your head and it's like you're underwater. That's awesome.

I then headed over to the MGM Grand to check out the lions. Of course, they were asleep. King of the jungle, my ass. From there, it was off to the Mirage and what might have been the highlight of my trip: the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat. Do I even need to explain why this was rad? They had fucking dolphins swimming around and playing and shit. And then there was the secret garden and white lions. Seriously, they were white. And they were completely motionless like statues. It made me want to hold up my lighter and start singing "When the Children Cry." I decide to finish up at the Bellagio and the Conservatory. I highly recommend it. Probably the best free attraction on the Strip. Highly imaginative and well-done. One final note: you haven't truly taken a shit until you've done it at a Bellagio restroom. I felt like Louis XIV at Versailles.

When I return to the Palms, I am greeted with a sign saying that Ghostbar is closed for a private event. Wow, good thing I decided to hold off on the wristband. But this leaves a hole in my schedule. I could just go to Rain, but I'm not feeling it for whatever reason. So I decide to base my plans on the outcome of the Magic-Celtics game. If the Magic win, I'll go to Jet. If they lose, I'll go to XS. They end up pulling it out (Vinsanity!), so Jet it is. I go up to my room and prepare, and when I get down, I see that Ghostbar is open again. Looks like the wristband is back on. So I get my band and head up to Ghostbar.

Once I get up there, I head to the bar to get a drink. It was at this point that I was first hit by Vegas sticker shock. $9 for a bottle of Sam Adams? What the fuck is this, Weimar Germany? I'm also slightly shocked by the girl next to me. As those of you who have been there know, there's a rail on the bar near the floor. This girl had clearly had a few, and she was hanging on the rail by her feet. I was rather concerned for her safety. After I get my drink, I see a group of girls with matching sashes and decide to go over and see what all the fuss is about. It seems that one of the girls was celebrating her birthday. The birthday girl herself completely ignored me, but I did engage in a bit of conversation with a couple of her friends. I also see a couple more dressed-up Marines, so I go up to one of them to see what the deal was. Apparently, they had just had the Marine Corps Ball at the Rio, and the group that was there was about to ship out. I thanked him for his service and told him to stay safe. I then decided to go after the girl who was at the bar. I went up to her and told her about my concern. She squeezed my hand, said something about looking out for her friends...and that was it. Damn, I suck. After about an hour at Ghostbar, I headed out.

Waiting for the elevator along with me was a group of girls. One of them accidentally bumped into me. She then jokingly elbowed me, which I comically overreacted to. She then rubbed my head while I was on my knees (I shave my head, for those of you who don't know). This looks like it might have some potential. The group talks about how they're going to Moon, but I go to Rain instead. I am a genius. When I get there, I order a White Russian, which the bartender tops with a cherry. WTF. I figure this might be a good conversation starter, but I am unable to summon the balls to actually approach anybody. After about an hour of not talking to anyone, I finally head over to Moon. This was probably the least favorite club I went to during my trip. No particular reason, I just didn't dig the vibe. Worst of all, the girls from earlier were nowhere to be found.

After I leave Moon, I decide that my best chance for salvaging the night is to return to Ghostbar. I do so, but I crash and burn spectacularly. A pick out a few targets, but I can't find the gumption to talk to them. Some random guy saw me on the sidelines trying to approach one girl and said "Just do it, man! Just do it!" Getting called out like that is pretty much the definition of epic fail. Once I've had enough of this, I return to Rain and experience similar results. Most notably, I see a girl there who doesn't look all that into what's going on. She spends most of her time standing with her arms crossed or smoking a cigarette. Seems like my kind of girl. I eventually manage to go up to her and summon a weak "Hi," but it was completely drowned out by the music. That, or she just ignored me. My ego sufficiently bruised, I decided to bail.

At this point, I decide that my main problem is that I hesitate too much and allow myself to become paralyzed with indecision. My best course of action, then, is to not think, just act. I see a girl on the casino floor telling everyone that it's her birthday. I go up to her and tell her that it's my birthday too. She doesn't believe me, so I pull out my ID and show it to her, at which point she takes a picture with me. I make a few self-deprecating remarks about my age, which she responds to by challenging me to go find a girl. I make a round and report the result: mission failed. She then tries to pass me off onto a nearby girl, who is clearly mortified. This is obviously going nowhere, so I go to bed. Time to regroup.

I can't believe that guy called you out!!... Good TR so far :)

Lol. I hesitate and wait too long sometimes too. Your TR is hilarious. I love the honesty and humor. Good stuff.

Nice BarrelO! Too bad you werent able to pick up any ladies.... did you try those cards that they hand out on the strip? :D lol

I can't remember which member said it but I believe the quote was, " I just ask them if they'd like to sit on my face".

That could always work.

nice tr... you should've used Tswitch's Pizza line imo

Good TR you got going. Don't stress over getting turned down. It's not the end of the world, there is plenty of girls. You get rejected move to the next without thinking about it.

another writer in our midst. Props on getting out there and approaching girls.

Amazing TR - thank you for sharing!
It's very funny, and sweetly honest! I hope the rest of the TR involves you getting lucky (without resorting to a girl of negotiable affections!) - you must be quite a charmer when you do actually speak to a girl!

Loads of drinking, and hotties passing you by right and left.
Is there a happy ending to this story? Did you ever use that bunny ranch coupon? hahah

Btw, this seems like your kind of beer:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/8380412.stm

lol, good TR so far! And I see I got a mention.

For the sake of humanity, I do indeed hope you've one-upped me in the remainder of the TR.

Lovin' it so far, especially the Bellagio bathroom line.:)

haha great report! Reminds me of my days when I first got to Vegas... Keep it coming!

dont give up!!!!!!!!!!! its not like your in jersey shore. :D

Before I continue, there's one thing I meant to mention. Is there a bigger hack move by a DJ than "Let me hear you make some noise!"? Fuck you. Do something on the turntables that inspires me to make noise, jackass.

Saturday, November 21
In which I interact with my family, brazenly defy Jack Colton, and get told to go away

I greeted my first day as a 28-year-old sometime after 9. My mom calls me a little afterward to wish me a happy birthday. I also get a call later in the day from my younger brother, but it's not about my birthday. He first asks me if I'd be interested in watching him do a 120 star run in Super Mario 64. I respond in the affirmative. He then asks me why The Lion King and other Disney movies never come on TV. I respond that I have no idea.

I need to surf the Web, so I bite the bullet and pay for an hour of access. Once I'm on, the first thing I do is check Facebook to see how the birthday festivities were going. As those of you who are Facebook friends with me know, I asked a bunch of people to post a picture of a cat on my wall for my birthday. Off the top of my head, I don't think anybody from JC complied. Shame on all of you. I then checked the JC forums a little bit. I looked at my Bon Voyage thread and saw everyone exhorting me to get laid. It is at this point that I realize what exactly is at stake. I'm not just fighting for myself. I'm fighting for the AOD and Apollo Creed and the United States of America. Failure is not an option.

But that's in the evening. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do during the day. It's my birthday, so I need to do something special. I already went to Freakin Frog, so that's out of the picture. But I still think it'd be cool to have a nice gastronomic experience. Where can I go on such short notice, though? Then it hit me. That's right, I decided to hit up a buffet. Suck it, haters. I figure Bellagio is my best best since it's closest and is generally regarded as the gold standard.

I think I got there around 11:30, and the line for brunch was quite robust. It moved pretty quickly, though, and I got in after about twenty minutes. When I go up to the counter to pay, they ask me if I'd like the champagne brunch. Damn skippy. Once I got a table, it was on. I gorged myself like a modern-day Lucullus and downed approximately eleventy billion mimosas. The key for me was the shrimp. You all have no idea how much I love shrimp. I'm like George in the jerk store episode of Seinfeld. They also had a lot of smoked seafood, which I guess is fancier than regular seafood. Smoked salmon, smoked trout, smoked scallops, even smoked shrimp. Also worthy of mention was the fact that the California rolls had actual crab meat in them. I tapped out after about an hour of gluttony.

After the buffet, I figure I'll just go back to my room and lapse into a food coma until it's time to go out. First, though, I check out the Strip a bit more. While at the Forum Shops, I discover that the Apple Store has free wifi on its display Macbooks. It's not something you can be on all day, but it's a cool way to check your e-mail or something like that. I get on to check the progress on my Facebook cats. While I'm in the area, I head over to the race and sports book at Caesars to check out the lines for the NFL games. The two that jumped out at me the most were Indy -1 at Baltimore and the Jets +10 at New England. (I also like the Titans, but I'm leaving on Monday.) With the Indy line, I'm essentially just picking them to win. And I don't think the Jets will win, but I think they have a good chance to cover.

When I get back to my room, I decide to turn on college football and veg out for a while. As it turns out, the UVA game was on, so I got to watch them getting their asses kicked live. The blocking in this game was just pathetic. I swear, Clemson was rushing three and still getting pressure on every play. Thank God Al Groh finally got fired. As I'm flipping though the channels, I come across a UFC Unleashed marathon on Spike TV, so I watch a little bit of that for a while. I then hit on VH1 and was fully engrossed by Tough Love. I had never heard of the show before, but I'm a total sucker for all the reality-type crap VH1 shows. My favorite part was when the hsot made the girls go though a speed dating event. The male participants were asked for feedback afteward, and one of them said that it turned him off when one of the girls said that her favorite place to go was Vegas. He thought it betrayed a lack of sophistication. So true.

Time eventually passes, and I head over to the Wynn around 9-ish. While I'm waiting for the clubs to open, I grab an iced mocha at the coffee shop. There turned out to be a hole in my straw, so I ended up with coffee all over my shirt. Hell and damnation. Luckily, it was stain-resistant, so it ended up not being a big deal. At this point, I haven't quite decided which club I want to hit. At 9:30, the line for XS is all the way back to the Wynn. Meanwhile, there's no line at all for Tryst. I decide to come back at ten till, and if there's still no line, I'll go to XS. When I return, a pretty healthy line has formed up, so I hop in. As I'm waiting, any groups with girls are steadily poached by the bouncers, so it's only a matter of time before I'm surrounded by a sea of dudes. It'll be a while before I get in if I just allow nature to take its course, so I decide to play my ace in the hole. I text Patrick Frank and tell him that I'm nyc's friend and that I'm in line. He replies a few minutes later and tells me to come to registration. Not only does he let me right in, he comps my entry. So big ups to nyc for the hookup.

This is probably my last shot at glory, so I need to go all-out. Once I get a feel for the place, I start sizing up targets. I talk a little bit to a girl wearing a bachelorette tiara as a way of getting the ball rolling and overcoming my nervousness. OK, now it's time to strike. Don't think, act. At one point, I see a cougar by herself who looks like she's glancing in my direction. But I start to think that she might be a professional, so I don't bother. One girl I do approach is this one blonde wearing a black dress with a corsage. I went up to her and asked her if her boutonniere symbolized anything. Yeah, I had a brain fart. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I asked her about the flower. She said it didn't represent anything. But she did say something about how her grandfather had died the previous day. She didn't really seem all that down about it. Anyway, things said to be going well. But then one of her friends, who was wearing a white dress, basically told me to buzz off. I didn't hear most of what she said, but the gist of he message was "sorry, better luck next time." Seriously, she literally shook my hand and wished me good luck. When white dress told black dress that she was sending me away, black dress made an exaggerated sad face. Strike one.

As I was walking away, it took a while for the confusion to wear off. But then it hit me:: Damn, that sucked. I usually don't get far enough to get shot down like that. Don't get me wrong, I get shot down plenty. It just usually happens much earlier in the process. And I'm sorry to say that the situation kind of took the wind out of my sails for the rest of the night. I did manage to approach one girl wearing a 21st birthday tiara, who passed me off to her friend. The friend and I conversed for a bit before I guy I'm assuming was her boyfriend came and broke things up. Strike two.

My final attempt involved these two girls who just kind of stood by the bar and weren't dancing or anything. They weren't even dressed up. They were wearing regular jeans and flip-flops. I find this intriguing, so I decide to make a point of hitting them up at some point. Unfortunately, they both received their fair share of male attention, so whenever I was prepared to move in, one or both of them was otherwise occupied. Finally, there was a point where one of them was talking to a guy and the other one was watching. I decide to approach the watcher. I go up and say hi, which receives no response. I decide to assume for the sake of my ego that it's because she didn't hear me and abort the mission. Stike three.

Pretty soon, I make my way to the Palms. Rain is starting to clear out, so there's some carnage on the casino floor. I see a girl sitting at a slot machine while her friend is talking on the phone. I go up to her and say "Long night?" She does not respond to this in any way. On that note, I call it a night.

Damn bro, you struck out alot.

Dude, your TR is awesome. It actually had me laughing out loud. You kinda remind me of me of that old cartoon character "Sleprock". The guy who has nothing but bad luck. :)

One more night to go. Still some hope!

At least you're actually going up to them. Some guys don't even bother, they just stand in the background staring creepishly. Good stuff man. You're funny as hell in your TR.

Agree with ncye guy. At least you weren't that creepy guy people watching. Sorry for not posting on facebook I fell asleep way to early that Saturday. I had a cold.

One girl I do approach is this one blonde wearing a black dress with a corsage. I went up to her and asked her if her boutonniere symbolized anything. Yeah, I had a brain fart. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I asked her about the flower. She said it didn't represent anything.

Dannng.. thats the worst way to start a convo. Actually the best strategy is to place yourself in a high female traffic area, and to not give them any attention. From the sound of it you look like you are looking, thats probably the problem..Alright.. how many more strikes left?

LOL.......you should of tried some smaller venues, were peeps are friendlier

most entertaining TR Ive read.

this is so funny I love it :)

LOL.......you should of tried some smaller venues, were peeps are friendlier

most entertaining TR Ive read.

hmm I don't think the hes swing the way of the Krave

Great TR, highly entertaining. It's too bad the girl in the white dress c-blocked you. It sounds like you need a professional wing man.

Dude from the sound of it you're just not projecting your voice to these girls.

When I step to a girl I want her to feel like a fucking bomb is going off right in front of her. Like fucking BOOOOOOOOOOOM, YO.

:D

Dude from the sound of it you're just not projecting your voice to these girls.

When I step to a girl I want her to feel like a fucking bomb is going off right in front of her. Like fucking BOOOOOOOOOOOM, YO.

:D

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE :cool:

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE :cool:

Yup..thats some Vegas energy...
Seems like he was sneeking around..being too polite

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE :cool:

Haha thanks. I'm going to use this exclusively tonight...on second thought, I'm gonna alternate this with "SHAWWTY WHAT YO NAME IZZZ??"

Will post results.

great TR barrelO, love the honesty!!!!

Wow man brutal honesty, I felt like I got rejected with you. Good TR though, funny as shit! Like chicken pox, I've already caught my buffet virus and will never ever catch it again, but I've heard the Bellagio is really good.

Holy Shit barrel-o! Sorry I have to admit I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD at some of your misfortunes, but love your honesty! I can tell you do to cause if half that shit would of happened to me I would never repeat. I had a feeling certain aspects of your trip were going to crash and burn....Explain this.......

" From there, it was off to Mandalay Bay to check out the goddamn Shark Reef Aquarium. I was initially worried because I followed the signs and ended up at a giant line. Luckily, it turned out to be for some UFC bullshit. I kept walking and finally made it to the aquarium. It was just as rad as I expected it to be"

lol and this

"While I'm waiting for the clubs to open, I grab an iced mocha at the coffee shop. There turned out to be a hole in my straw, so I ended up with coffee all over my shirt. Hell and damnation. Luckily, it was stain-resistant, so it ended up not being a big deal"

i fell out of my chair on that one

"At this point, I decide that my main problem is that I hesitate too much and allow myself to become paralyzed with indecision. My best course of action, then, is to not think, just act."

self realization a step in the right direction

when in vegas ya just gotta say "fuck it" have fun, no worries what doesnt work out its just dirt on your shoulder. rub it off, move on.

Edit:
Oh I forgot to mention, since you like to read, I have a great recommendation for you. I wll PM it to you now.

Sounds like you were walking around alone. That's a problem. You need a wingman dude.

Nice way to wrap things up Rock.. too much thinking and not enough ****'ing in Vegas

OMG! BarrelO - can't believe you struck out so much - you're cute AND funny - you're clearly picking the wrong girls, you need to go for someone with class who'll appreciate you next time!!

OMG! BarrelO - can't believe you struck out so much - you're cute AND funny - you're clearly picking the wrong girls, you need to go for someone with class who'll appreciate you next time!!

That seems to be the key word around here :)

Yes, I'm aware that I need a wingman. But I knew that before I went to Vegas. I would also like to note that two separate individuals have sent me PMs advising me to read The Game by Neil Strauss. You know who you are. Thanks for the advice, guys.

A couple more things I meant to mention. First of all, I accidentally ordered a Michelob Ultra at Tryst. Gross. Second, there was a guy at Tryst even more pathetic than me. He was standing by the bar completely motionless. I kind of felt sorry for him. But I'm pretty sure he was wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt under his blazer, so fuck him.

And now, the thrilling conclusion!

Sunday, November 22
In which I regret not betting on the Colts, reconnect with my German heritage, and contribute to a worthy cause

My day began with a phone call from my dad wishing me a happy belated birthday. He figured I'd be going out with friends the previous night and didn't want to bother me then. Yeah, I neglected to inform him about my Vegas trip. When he found out where I was, he said he thought it was strange that I was in Vegas by myself unless I had some ulterior motive I wasn't telling him about. After we hung up, it occurred to me that he might have been talking about the Bunny Ranch or a similar house of ill repute.

It's around 9:30 or so at this point, so it's almost time for FOOTBALL!!!!! The games on TV: Colts/Ravens and Cowboys/Redskins. What the hell? Did I accidentally go back to DC a day early? Again, I strongly consider putting a C-note on the Colts (I feel much better about it than I do the Jets game). But in the end, I puss out. The Dolphins already played on Thursday, so I don't have much of a vested interest in any of the day's games. Of the options that are presented to me, Colts/Ravens is the easy choice. And of course, the Colts end up winning. My cowardice screws me over yet again.

I don't care at all about any of the late games, so I have a ton of time to kill before going out. For that matter, there's the question of where to go. My original plan is to go to The Bank, but my planned itinerary hasn't worked out all that well for me, so I think it might be a good idea to mix things up. Body English is definitely a possibility. To that end, I head over to the Hard Rock to get a feel for the place. Once I get there, it's a pretty easy call. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I just don't like the vibe of the place. BE is out. XS is also a possibility, but I don't feel like paying the extra cab fare. So Bank it is. However, royale will be happy to know that one of the girls at the cashier's desk was wearing a Raiders jersey.

The trip isn't a total waste, though, since the Hard Rock is across the street from the Hofbrauhaus. I like beer and German cuisine, so this is obviously a must-visit. I thought it was pretty funny seeing all the workers with tattoos and piercings wearing lederhosen and dirndlkleids. I end up getting a slice of German rye bread with butter, a pretzel with sweet mustard, and two half-liters of Hofbrau lager. In retrospect, I should have just gotten the full liter since it was less expensive. Oh, well. Hindsight is 20/20.

After this, I head back to the Strip and stop at Planet Hollywood. I first go to the Miracle Mile Shops to see if my angel is working at the Sunglass Hut. Alas, she is not. So I head over to the casino and stop by Earl of Sandwich. I get an All American, which is dee-lish. Apparently, this place was founded by the descendants of the actual Earl of Sandwich, which I think is pretty neat. It's nice to see inherited nobility actually doing something productive. I then drop by the race and sports book and see that the Pats are curbstomping the Jets. Wow, good thing I decided to hold off on that one. Speaking of football, there was an absolute shit-ton of Chargers fans out today. Baby blue jerseys everywhere. All of a sudden, I am beset by temporary madness and decide to hit up the Spice Market Buffet. What can I say? I really like unlimited shrimp.

After probably eating too much, I head over to the Bellagio. (Actually, I think I might have also gone to the Bellagio earlier in the day too. I can't quite remember.) While there, I see a poster by The Bank promoting Cocktails for a Cause. Apparently, for every drink that is purchased, they're donating a certain amount to a homeless shelter. More importantly (for me, anyway), anyone who donates food or canned goods receives complimentary admission. I rack my brain trying to think where I can buy something like this nearby. After about a minute, I'm off to the Walgreens near the Venetian. After I purchase a can of green beans, I head back to my room to rest for a bit.

I make it the Bellagio some time after 9. At this point, I conclude that if I haven't even come close to getting any the previous three nights, it probably isn't happening tonight either. So I have two options: I can either commit seppuku or soldier on and hope that I'll get some neat stories out of it. It's a tough call, but I opt for the latter. After a while, I head over to Caramel for some drinks. I'm not feeling too optimistic about the beer selection, so I opt for a Stella Artois. They don't have any, but while the bartender is looking through the fridge, I see a Hoegaarden, so I opt for that.

I head over to The Bank around ten till. As I'm sure you all know, there isn't a line per se, just a giant clusterfuck around the velvet rope. I don't like this at all. In any event, I make it past the rope around 11. I drop my can in the food box and get comped admission. I'll be damned. It actually worked. Once I get in, it takes me like half an hour to find the bathroom because the layout is so confusing. I felt like I was in Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Once I relieve myself, I'm ready to mingle. To that end, I devise what in my mind is a bulletproof conversation starter. "When I get back, people are going to ask me what I did in Vegas, and I'd like to be able to tell them that I met some interesting people." The way I see it, this is sufficiently non-threatening that it can lead to some interesting conversation even if the girl isn't interested. Results later. First, it's time to dance!

That's right, I decided to hit the dance floor. I generally try to avoid this, since my dance technique rather resembles Glass Joe's fighting technique in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. But sometimes you just gotta cut loose. When the DJ played Gold Digger, I could hold back no longer.

After tripping the light fantastic for a bit, I'm ready to approach some women. I have to interactions in total. The first is with two women standing by themselves on the upper balcony. I go up to them and say hi. One of them turns toward me, kind of smiles weakly, and turns right back around. Ouch. The second involves a girl standing by herself at the end of the bar. I go up to her and bust out my line. She responds thusly: "I'm waiting for my boyfriend. In fact, I think he's right behind you." I turn around, and sure enough, there he is. Well, at least that wasn't my fault. At least, not entirely.

It soon becomes apparent that the pickings are pretty slim and sticking around will accomplish nothing worthwhile. However, I have one last ace up my sleeve. Part of my check-in package was a ticket for complimentary admission to Ghostbar on Thursdays and Sundays. I decide this might be worth checking out, so I head back to the Palms. Unfortunately, Ghostbar is already closed by this point (it was around 2:30). So I head up to my room and take a little cat nap before checking out in the morning.

In sum, I went to Vegas, spent a bunch of money I couldn't really afford to spend, and quite possibly set some kind of record for futility. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. The way I see it, Vegas is a new challenge to overcome, and if there's one thing I've never been able to resist, it's a challenge. My only real regret was the hotel. I didn't dislike the Palms, but if I could do it over again, I'd stay on the Strip. When will I rise to the occasion? Right now, I'm looking at February. I get a bunch of days off from school around MLK weekend, so that'll probably be the most convenient time.

OK, that pretty much covers it. I hope you all got something out of my TR.

Great TR!! this last part was by far the funniest.. you're a great writer.

Well done, BarrelO. Great TR, great writing.

May your next trip to Vegas be awesome.

Good job on the TR. Honestly, it was really detailed, which makes me think you probably didn't drink enough. That usually helps with any hesitation and or trying to save your dignity.

No worries though, it's really tough without a buddy. Girls want to stay with their friends, so you having people around helps. The beautiful thing is there is always next time!

After tripping the light fantastic



I really liked this line :)

nice tr barrel :)

In sum, I went to Vegas, spent a bunch of money I couldn't really afford to spend, and quite possibly set some kind of record for futility. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. The way I see it, Vegas is a new challenge to overcome, and if there's one thing I've never been able to resist, it's a challenge. My only real regret was the hotel. I didn't dislike the Palms, but if I could do it over again, I'd stay on the Strip. When will I rise to the occasion? Right now, I'm looking at February. I get a bunch of days off from school around MLK weekend, so that'll probably be the most convenient time.

OK, that pretty much covers it. I hope you all got something out of my TR.

Love your attitude man! BTW... wasn't I the one telling you to book on the strip in your thread asking where to book? ; )

love the TR.

Am I misunderstanding? guys read books on how to pick up women????????????????

Am I misunderstanding? guys read books on how to pick up women????????????????

thats pretty bad. Just be yourself

I drop my can in the food box and get comped admission. I'll be damned. It actually worked.
Hey what a nice thing to do. Everyone round of applause to B-O for that one!

quite possibly set some kind of record for futility..

trust me you didnt set any records, you just had the balls to share it with everyone......great tr man!!!

That was awesome, really enjoyed that. There's some really good TR's on here, but despite you not racking up a $10k bar tab and sleeping with the entire Dallas Cowboys cheerleader squad, it was still fun to read.

:-( Sad you didn't find a girl to appreciate you! But thanks so much for the awesome TR! It was way more fun to read than the $10k/cowboy version!

Can't wait to party with you in May - you need a girl as a wingman, with loves, Aria, wishin and me looking out for you, you'll do fine (that's not an offer of 'services' Royale!) - makes you seem more desirable if you've got a gang of girls with you!

love the TR.

Am I misunderstanding? guys read books on how to pick up women????????????????

Nice trip report! I laughed out loud at your funny descriptions - cougar dancing towards you? hhaha

Dnix, not sure if you are joking, but there's lots of books/classes for males devoted to picking up women. I have a friend that teaches guys how to pick up women. he makes $2500 off each for a three day "seminar". the guy is not that good looking, but he is smooth, and does get women..
I think he needs to set some new recession-friendly prices though cause I know he's looking for a regular "day job" again..

Barrelo, i'm sure the book is entertaining, but please don't use the lines/techniqques. I think most girls know what's going on and have heard the same lines that are taught in those books, so it comes across with quite the opposite effect.. like asking the opinion thing, and that whole negging bs??
it's better just to say hello, and introduce yourself, and be sincere, or at least come up with your own 'material'. rather than, "nice outfit, i saw a girl wearing the exact same one earlier."

Nice trip report! I laughed out loud at your funny descriptions - cougar dancing towards you? hhaha

Dnix, not sure if you are joking, but there's lots of books/classes for males devoted to picking up women. I have a friend that teaches guys how to pick up women. he makes $2500 off each for a three day "seminar". the guy is not that good looking, but he is smooth, and does get women..
I think he needs to set some new recession-friendly prices though cause I know he's looking for a regular "day job" again..

Barrelo, i'm sure the book is entertaining, but please don't use the lines/techniqques. I think most girls know what's going on and have heard the same lines that are taught in those books, so it comes across with quite the opposite effect.. like asking the opinion thing, and that whole negging bs??
it's better just to say hello, and introduce yourself, and be sincere, or at least come up with your own 'material'. rather than, "nice outfit, i saw a girl wearing the exact same one earlier."

$2500??????????

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3640/3491765116_195df4b416.jpg

Nice trip report! I laughed out loud at your funny descriptions - cougar dancing towards you? hhaha

Dnix, not sure if you are joking, but there's lots of books/classes for males devoted to picking up women. I have a friend that teaches guys how to pick up women. he makes $2500 off each for a three day "seminar". the guy is not that good looking, but he is smooth, and does get women..
I think he needs to set some new recession-friendly prices though cause I know he's looking for a regular "day job" again..

Barrelo, i'm sure the book is entertaining, but please don't use the lines/techniqques. I think most girls know what's going on and have heard the same lines that are taught in those books, so it comes across with quite the opposite effect.. like asking the opinion thing, and that whole negging bs??
it's better just to say hello, and introduce yourself, and be sincere, or at least come up with your own 'material'. rather than, "nice outfit, i saw a girl wearing the exact same one earlier."

Your not talking about the guy that does that show for vh1 are you ? I think his name is mystery ??

2500 WTF ? Wait till Dr. Royale reads this.

Your not talking about the guy that does that show for vh1 are you ? I think his name is mystery ??

2500 WTF ? Wait till Dr. Royale reads this.

I think that show is filmed in Austin. Ive watched it couple of times. Its pretty funny.

There's nothing a guy wearing a giant velvet hat can teach me about picking up women.

bahahahahahaha

Our friend Copyranter points us to this amazing new ad campaign by Vegas.com, wherein they seem to have just thrown their hands in the air and decided to just call the whole Vegas thing what it is: a bunch of drunk date rapists in cocked trucker hats and muscle shirts trying out stuff they learned from Mystery on The Pick-Up Artist in a coordinated weekend-long team effort to trick to girls with low self-esteem into sleeping them. It doesn’t exactly make me want to pack bags for Nevada (and sort of reaffirms why I avoid Vegas at all costs), but still – you’ve got to admire this kind of honesty.

http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2008/02/VegasDouchebag.JPG

Your not talking about the guy that does that show for vh1 are you ? I think his name is mystery ??

2500 WTF ? Wait till Dr. Royale reads this.

lol dr. royale thinks whoever goes to those classes are getting ripped off. Picking up females is a natural male instinct. I don't go to class to learn how to tie my shoes :)

Hahaha promo code douchebag.

Very well said royal.

Your not talking about the guy that does that show for vh1 are you ? I think his name is mystery ??

2500 WTF ? Wait till Dr. Royale reads this.

No, he doesn't have a TV show. I just talked to him, and it's actually $3000!!! but it's not just a one on one "class".. it includes a bunch of "support" after the classes.. like emails, phone calls, etc. and one of the "classes" is with a woman.. so you practice with her.. or something like that..
Umm, I think that's ridiculous someone would actually pay that..
I would hate to find out a guy I was dating paid took a class like that.

For 3k that practice session had better include sex.

For 3k that practice session had better include sex.

Hahaha! That's funny

Is your friends name Alex Hitchens??????

Good report bro. I really enjoyed it. I'll be in Vegas the second or third week in February if you want to meet up.

for 3K you could just get low class hookers for a lifetime and be happier than a king!!!! :D

BarrelO, make plans to join the gang on the venture out in May. We'll make it our mission to fix you up with the ladies.:)

bahahahahahaha

Our friend Copyranter points us to this amazing new ad campaign by Vegas.com, wherein they seem to have just thrown their hands in the air and decided to just call the whole Vegas thing what it is: a bunch of drunk date rapists in cocked trucker hats and muscle shirts trying out stuff they learned from Mystery on The Pick-Up Artist in a coordinated weekend-long team effort to trick to girls with low self-esteem into sleeping them. It doesn’t exactly make me want to pack bags for Nevada (and sort of reaffirms why I avoid Vegas at all costs), but still – you’ve got to admire this kind of honesty.

http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2008/02/VegasDouchebag.JPG


Speechless...

lol dr. royale thinks whoever goes to those classes are getting ripped off. Picking up females is a natural male instinct. I don't go to class to learn how to tie my shoes :)

Supposedly, Einstein couldn't tie his shoes. Just saying.

The thing is, some people don't pick up social skills intuitively. They have to learn it intellectually, like playing a piano. I'm one of those people. Not that I'm endorsing those courses.

Anyway, if this TR has accomplished nothing else, it has inspired every JC member to be my wingman/woman in May. Perhaps an Army shall succeed where one failed.

Supposedly, Einstein couldn't tie his shoes. Just saying.

The thing is, some people don't pick up social skills intuitively. They have to learn it intellectually, like playing a piano. I'm one of those people. Not that I'm endorsing those courses.

Anyway, if this TR has accomplished nothing else, it has inspired every JC member to be my wingman/woman in May. Perhaps an Army shall succeed where one failed.

Honestly, I think its more about confidence than social skills. A guy with confidence wouldnt have given up. If a book or class gives someone confidence, thats fine, but its not necessary. If you had approached 30 women each night, I might agree with you. Dont let it get ya down though. Everyone gets shot down. :)

I not gonna say any names, cause I dont wanna hurt anyones feelings, but there are some good wingmen on this site. You should be set for May. :D

Anyway, if this TR has accomplished nothing else, it has inspired every JC member to be my wingman/woman in May. Perhaps an Army shall succeed where one failed.

Oh I'm sure we'll defiinitely get you hooked up in May. If anything, me and Loves can go up to girls you find attractive and start talking you up. We'll tell them how big of a dick you have and how insanely incredible and crazy you are in bed. haha :D

Perhaps an Army shall succeed where one failed.

thomas edison tried a million different ways to invent the lightbulb each time it didnt work it wasnt deemed a "failure" he just knew that you couldnt invent the lightbulb that way, so in your case it wasnt failure, you have succeeded in discovering that you cant pick up girls in that particular way

Oh I'm sure we'll defiinitely get you hooked up in May. If anything, me and Loves can go up to girls you find attractive and start talking you up. We'll tell them how big of a dick you have and how insanely incredible and crazy you are in bed. haha :D

+1 - wingwomen are the way forward!

PS Wishin' I thought that said 'what a big dick are' - which probably wouldn't work so well...:)

Oh I'm sure we'll defiinitely get you hooked up in May. If anything, me and Loves can go up to girls you find attractive and start talking you up. We'll tell them how big of a dick you have and how insanely incredible and crazy you are in bed. haha :D

The best part is, once they know the truth, it'll be too late!

Oh I'm sure we'll defiinitely get you hooked up in May. If anything, me and Loves can go up to girls you find attractive and start talking you up. We'll tell them how big of a dick you have and how insanely incredible and crazy you are in bed. haha :D

hahah that is true. Chicks do dig doucebags :D

thomas edison tried a million different ways to invent the lightbulb each time it didnt work it wasnt deemed a "failure" he just knew that you couldnt invent the lightbulb that way, so in your case it wasnt failure, you have succeeded in discovering that you cant pick up girls in that particular way

hahaha NYC with another zinger... Just keep trying man! Try a 100, you are bound to score one! Its an odds game.

been lurking around a couple weeks... I registered just to say great TR. I've definitely felt those shut downs before too. Keep at it.

I'm going with a bachelor party MLK weekend... hopefully see you there.

Welcome to the site.