Wow, considering that it's been almost a month since I went out to Vegas, it's probably a good time to do a trip report. It will be pretty lengthy and I'll try to be as detailed as possible. So, it will likely take a few installments. I hope it's enjoyable


GETTING STARTED

Alright, flew out on Friday afternoon and arrived in Vegas around 4pm. I've built up a ridiculous amount of Southwest free drink coupons so I figured it would be a good time to build some karma. Boarded the plane with 15 books of drink coupons (that's 60 drinks), handed them to the stewardess and told her to give out free drinks to people until they were gone. My only stipulation was that she save four of them for me.

Get off the plane and luggage is a breeze and we're (I've met up with my boy Tony_Key who has flown in on a different flight) off to the rental car center. Since I don't have to drive, I actually catch a draft beer at the Home Turf in the terminal before heading down to pickup baggage. Good idea. Rental car takes forever and that last boost allows me to generate a minor buzz that stays. Stop at convenience store for beer, water, gatorade and most imporantly Beef Jerky. LOL. Make it to the Mandalay at about 6pm. Ask about upgrades and they are being pretty tough on them. There's some car-show/auction being hosted there so the place is pretty full and they aren't in the giving mood. That's cool, we at least got a strip view.

Run upstairs, crack beer (24 oz coors light can if you are interested, gotta keep it classy). Head out to elevators, hit the floor for about 30 minutes. After some gambling and the usual walking around to get the lay of the land and just be happy that we're in Vegas, it's off to the laughing Jackalope across the street. Went there in July and rocked because it was so cheap. Tried in October and it blew because it was out of business.

Oh well. Back to the Mandalay and now it's time to get ready. We've got dinner reservations at Sensi and then we've got a table set-up at Tryst.

By now, it's about 7:30 or so and things start to go pretty well.....

Nice TR can't wait to read more.

Good start, let's hear some more.

Alright, so we get ready to hop in the shower (seperately, I like my boy, but not that much!) so that we can scoot over to Bellagio and meet our group for dinner. So, I hop into the shower first and the water is nice and warm. In fact, it's mothergrubbin booling hot! No matter where I turn the darn thing, it's coming out hellfire hot. I can't believe this is happening. Line at the rental car place, no upgrades available, the laughing jackalope is closed and now I'm standing here naked doing the shower dance/hop just trying to steal a second of water here or there. I check the tub, same thing. Where the heck is all of this good karma buying half my plane drinks was supposed to get me?

Furious, I call the front desk to report my problem. They say they'll have somebody up to take care of it within 15 minutes. 15 minutes pass and nobody from Mandalay so I call back. Now, it's going to be at least another half an hour. I explain to them that this won't work because we are already running late for dinner. Here, is where our luck starts to turn for the better.

Very sympathetic to my situation, the manager at the front desk offers me two choices. They can open up another room on our floor that nobody has checked into yet and let us shower. She will also comp our room for the night for the trouble. Or, it just so happens that they have a freaking Vista suite available and she'll move us into it for the duration of our stay.....NO EXTRA CHARGE.

Needless to say, we take the suite!

We pack our things real quick and go up to the room. Holy hell is this room ridiculous. Because there's only one bed, one of us will have to pass out on the couch later on. But, that's no big deal since we've got a room with over 1700 feet of awesomeness. Tony looks at me and deadpans "If this night doesn't end with me doing blow off some chicks ass, we screwed up." I agree.

Alright, save some time and move ahead here. We go, meet our group at sensi and are only running about a half an hour late. I get a steak and this unbelievably good jalapeno creamed corn. Wow. Great restaurant. I got one of their specialty drinks, the Matador, and didn't like it so on to vodka cranberry for me.

By the time dinner finishes up, we are almost an hour late for our reservation at Tryst. Call my host and he says it's no problem, just come on over. So everybody but me heads over and meets with him.

Myself, I have a small detour to make. That's right, I've got to hit the Imperial Palace. Now I know some of you are wondering WTF? Well, let me explain. I love the IMperial Palace more than life itself I think. I know it's a dump, but it's centrally located, has cheap gambling and has always been very, very good to me. Also, it just so happens that they've comped me a room for the three days I'm in town. This is where my cagey Vegas vet comes out. Since the IP is always willing to give me a free room, or at least damn close, we always take them up on their offer so that we have a few places to crash. It really comes in handy during situations with trying to find places to go with members of the opposite sex. It's nice if it's five in the morning and you don't want to go all the way back down to the Mandalay and it's just a huge convenience. If you can ever do this (no matter which places you use), do it. I can't possibly explain how nice it is to have an extra room option.

Anyway, no line at check in at the IP and I get a nice girl named Lena checking me in. I chat her up and include a 20 dollar sandwich with my driver's license and ccard. Sure enough, she puts me in a suite. Now, this ain't the vista suite at Mandalay, but it's a suite, mid strip and it's free. Time to hustle over to Tryst.

How funny is this, I've managed to beat my group to Tryst from Bellagio despite stopping at the IP to check in. Dummies went to the Venetian first (why, because they are idiots is all I can figure) and then they went to the Encore. Well, they show up and within minutes of talking to the host, our group of nine is in.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think Tryst is the best club in Vegas. Other places may be bigger and even more opulent, but something about Tryst makes it home for me. It's big, but not so huge you feel like you get lost in there. It's very nice, but not totally ostentatious.

We are settled in off towards the right of the dance floor as you face it walking in. Back by the stripper pole on a huge L shaped red couch that is right on the window between inside and outside seating. Perfect spot. Big ass table that easily accommodates our group of nine, but we also end up with some privacy and easy access to either the dance floor or the stripper pole. We order three bottles of Belvedere and our mixers and the night is on.

You know, for a Friday night, we actually thought that things were kind of slow. The area back where we were never really got too busy, but it was busy enough that we could all get loose and do our thing. We've got girl after girl coming by trying to scam drinks but we've got a great system in place. We've talked to the security guy in our area (sorry can't remember his, our waitress or our barback's name, I know. Awful. They were all great and well taken care of, though) and we've got this thing locked up.

Any lady who approaches our table is allowed to sit down. However, they are not offered drinks immediately. You don't just get to scam a drink off of us. You either have to do something to earn it, or preferably, you be cool and fun to hang/dance/ and share a table and drinks with. If you are an obvious scammer, we give you a few minutes and then give our security guy the sign (just a simple head nod) and he removes you from our table.

Now would be a good time to mention that one of the guys in our group is in the FBI. Even though he's off duty, he's strapped (ankle holster if you are wondering). Because of this, we feel invincible but really don't start any trouble. One because none of us is a fighter, and two, we don't want him to have to use that thing! But, some guy ends up getting really aggressive with him because the girl he was trying to get is all over Mr. FBI. Dude makes a move, FBI pulls up his pant leg to show his piece and swear to god the guy almost wets his pants. Totally awesome. Even more awesome is that he tries to get us thrown out and gets tossed (along with his crew) for his trouble once things are explained.

By now, it's winding down. Music has been great, service has been great and I've had at least 10-12 vodka & Crans. I'm a total wreck and have been drinking for about 16 hours straight at this point. Three in our group have hooked up and are off wherever doing whatever it is you do in Vegas. Alas, me and my boy are still rollin solo when we leave at about 330.

So, we head to the IP for some late night roulette and video poker. The roulette table is good to me and I win back my portion of the table (awesome, now I can do another on Saturday). I also meet a nice young lady who wouldn't mind headed back to the Mandalay. Even better, she's not a hooker! So, at about 6am I walk out of the IP, Tony_Key is still there, hail a cab and head back to the Mandalay. Victory will be mine, at least I think.

Very sympathetic to my situation, the manager at the front desk offers me two choices. They can open up another room on our floor that nobody has checked into yet and let us shower. She will also comp our room for the night for the trouble. Or, it just so happens that they have a freaking Vista suite available and she'll move us into it for the duration of our stay.....NO EXTRA CHARGE.



Nice!



My boy looks at me and deadpans "If this night doesn't end with me doing blow off some chicks ass, we screwed up." I agree.

LOL. So did you guys screw up? lol


If you can ever do this (no matter which places you use), do it. I can't possibly explain how nice it is to have an extra room option.

Interesting move. I don't really gamble so I doubt I'll get comped, but good one.




Any lady who approaches our table is allowed to sit down. However, they are not offered drinks immediately. You don't just get to scam a drink off of us. You either have to do something to earn it, or preferably, you be cool and fun to hang/dance/ and share a table and drinks with. If you are an obvious scammer, we give you a few minutes and then give our security guy the sign (just a simple head nod) and he removes you from our table.


Another good strategy. Will have to try it. Did you have to give the security guy a nod? How did the girls react to being kicked out of the table??? Love to see their reactions.




So, we head to the IP for some late night roulette and video poker. The roulette table is good to me and I win back my portion of the table (awesome, now I can do another on Saturday). I also meet a nice young lady who wouldn't mind headed back to the Mandalay. Even better, she's not a hooker! So, at about 6am I walk out of the IP, hail a cab and head back to the Mandalay. Victory will be mine, at least I think.


Score! Did you do blow off her...? lol

Great tr! Truly some masterful moves. The ip thing is similar to a hunting technique of setting up base camp and then moving out and setting up a satelite camp called a spite camp. It allows the hunter to cover a greater range. And the sequence for processing girls at the table: priceless. There are some things money can't buy: for everything else there's jackcolton.com!

Come on, don't leave us hanging! Just when it was starting to get good!

Awesome first day!!!

Great move on the 2 places to crash. Looking forward to day 2.

But, some guy ends up getting really aggressive with him because the girl he was trying to get is all over Mr. FBI. Dude makes a move, FBI pulls up his pant leg to show his piece and swear to god the guy almost wets his pants. Totally awesome. Even more awesome is that he tries to get us thrown out and gets tossed (along with his crew) for his trouble once things are explained.

That is awesome man...I can't wait for more!

Snatching Defeat Out of The Jaws Of Victory

So, we finally make it back to the room at the Mandalay Bay. If I have any concerns about what's about to happen, I know that opening up to our palacial suite should take care of any issues. However, there's a problem. And, it is a big one. I can't find my room key! Not only that, I can't find my driver's license. This, is going to be a major issue.

Crap, now we have to go all the way down to the front desk and I have to prove that I really do belong to that room. By the time we get back up to the room it's pretty clear that nothing is going to happen. You know what, though, it's cool. The girl who is now hanging with me is a really cool person. She's funny, she can take some punches and roll with it and she's an absolute trooper for putting up with everything. Hell, she even cracks a beer and gives me crap for not drinking one (and it's after 7 am at this point). So, after an exchange of numbers and some goodbye pleasantries, I walk her down and she takes a cab back to where she's staying (Planet Hollywood).

About 1pm, I wake up and I feel surprisingly good. I've got a text message from last night/this morning's girl thanking me for being such a gentleman and she wants to hang again before she leaves (monday). I call and we set up to do something on Sunday night.

Back to the business at hand, I need to figure out where my boy Tony_Key is. Last I saw him, it was 6am and he was seated next to the most broken down nearing 50 hooker I've ever seen while playing VP at the Geisha Bar in IP. I call his phone, no answer. I text, no answer. Even after a shower, still nothing.

Concerned and curious, I don't know which one moreso, I hop in the rental car and head over to the IP. Somewhere around 230/245 pm I bang on the door of our room and sure enough my man Tony answers and he's giggling like a school girl. He has all my room keys and my driver's license so at least that mystery is solved. Next, he solves the mystery of what happened to him last night. And, if it weren't so freaking unbelievable, I would swear he was lying to me.

As it turns out, he had hung out at the IP bar until a little after 8 in the morning. That's when an off duty bartender from T.I. -- who is about 6-foot-2 and two or three inches taller than him, and likely in her mid 40's -- who happened to be rolling through the casino decided to have a drink with him. In the room. And yes, he sealed the deal and I don't have to question him because there's proof in the form of a bartender asleep on the bed in the bedroom part of the suite. YIKES!!!!!

Surveying the situation, we decide that there's only one thing to be done. We head immediately to the car and head downtown for an afternoon of drinking and cheap gambling!

very nice ricky... looked forward to the rest :)

Awesome TR crackin up reading this shit! Keep it coming!

nice TR...............

Best TR ever?

Best TR ever.

Broke down Scotty Nguyen

Ok, picking things back up. We make our getaway from the IP and head downtown while the TI bartender/walrus woman is sleeping her afternoon away in our luxurious suite. What we'll do if she's still there when we get back matters not, because now it's time to do some cheap gambling and begin drinking ourselves into oblivion. After all, that's what we do in Vegas. We gamble, we drink and we try to balance out our buffoonery and regrettable decisions with fun and memories that will last a lifetime.......as fuzzy as they may be.

Downtown doesn't get spoken about much here and that's a shame. Because there really isn't a better place to go have some low-brow balls to the walls fun. Being the classy guys that we are, we begin our afternoon (its about 330 by the time we park and hit the streets) at our second favorite downtown casino. Le Bayou bitches! No table games, casino the size of a 7-11, no problem. Seriously, what's not to like about this place. You are greated with beads from girls in ridiculous mardi gras costumes, there are constant drawings for prizes and I defy anybody to name a place with better drink service. Seriously, try it some time. Have your waitress get you a beer, give her a dollar and then watch as she literally stands there next to you until you are ready to order another one. Or more likely, she just goes and gets you one whether you want one or not. On top of that, they have their frozen drinks that are luxuriously served in footballs!

After only an hour or so in Le Bayou, we are already significantly buzzed. Next up on our agenda is working our way down to the El Cortez. There's a few stops along the way -- most notably Mermaids for deep fried twinkies -- and we hit every casino along the way.

Wait, before I go any further........Can somebody please explain to me the deal between Hawaiians and the California casino? Why is that place always crawling with them?

Ok, back to our trip down fremont street. So, by the time we finally reach the Elco, it's about 7 pm and we're already getting into the time when we'd planned to be back to the Mandalay,napping and preparing for the evening. Screw it, we're men and we're going to drink like some G Damned men and live.

I always like going into the ElCo. Where most casinos are bright and lively, the ElCo reeks of desperation and death. There's zero doubt that old timers die at slot machines on a daily basis in this joint. But, it's ultra cheap gambling, great people watching (and I'm sure they are just as much enjoying watching us stumble around) and it's a Vegas tradition for us.

We start off balling out on the 2 cent Texas Tea slot machine. I kid you not, I'm sitting next to this old lady and she goes ape shit about something being wrong with the machine. She has just won like 200 dollars but is totally confused and doesn't understand why the machine keeps giving her more credits when all she wants to do is play out her last dollar. LOL.

Anyway, to make a long story short (as you can tell by now, brevity is my calling card) we end up at a 3 dollar blackjack table. 9 out of 10 times, I play by the book strategy. But, if there's one thing I can't stand it's a loudmouth at the table who has to comment on everybody's play, whether it has any impact on his hand or not. Sure enough, we've got this old beaten down wannabe Scotty Nguyen at our table who is totally losing his shit over everything that anybody else on the table does. More aggravating, he's playing maybe 1 out of every six hands. Words ensue, and to make a long story short. I've now been forcibly removed from a casino. I didn't go alone though. My boy Rod is tossed as is BDSN.

In the interest of moving along, know that the rest of our trip downtown includes my boy getting taken for 50 bucks by a couple street hustlers in an attempt to buy some weed. A couple drinks at the Gryphon (love that bar by the way, rules actually) and a hummer limo rid (just two of us mind you) back to the Mandalay Bay where we finally roll in around 10-1015 when we'd planned to be back by 7.

Now, we've got to figure out what to do for Saturday night?

If you're scoring at home and you say why not hit Body English, Cleopatra's Barge and then re-create the closing scene from Dirty Dancing (the big swan lift) with randoms on the casino floor of the Flamingo.......well, you've only got part of the evening correct!

Wait, before I go any further........Can somebody please explain to me the deal between Hawaiians and the California casino? Why is that place always crawling with them?

Ok, this I can answer. I met a guy from Hawaii while in downtown Vegas and he explained to me that there's this company that packages trips from Hawaii to certain downtown hotels, including California. I know, you're thinking, but why downtown?

Turns out these trips, which have flight, room and food for the entire trip, ends up costing less that the flight itself.

this is by far hyand down best tr of 2009!!!!!!!!!! great job, im crying over here

lmao.. this is so damn funny

great TR -- keep it coming - sat ngith gonna be big!

A Night To Remember

Exhausted, drunken and generally acting like 13 year olds who've just gotten a hold of one of dad's playboys, we arrive back at the Mandalay. What's great about getting back is that it seems like forever since we've been there. On top of that, we've totally forgotten about the freaking kick ass suite that we are lampin in. As soon as we walk in the door, any worries about "how are we gonna put the pieces back together" leave our minds and the game faces come on.

The best thing about a nice room like that is the classy options that are available to you for keeping drinks cool. Screw that, we flip a coin to see who gets charge with running down the hall to fill a few trash cans with ice to keep the beer, vodka and red bull nice and chilly.

I wish I could make getting ready and chugging drinks like it was our jobs sound more entertaining, but there's only so much that one can do. By around 11:30, we are finally ready to hit the streets again. So, we leave armed only with 24 ounces of Coors Light in our right and left hands, id's, cash and boasts of what we are going to do with all the money we win.

Before heading out, we spend some time on the casino floor. While on the floor, we see former NFL'er Willie McGinest who is strolling the floor minding his own business. Myself, I've got to take bathroom break in the worst way and am doing the pee dance/walk/run looking for a bathroom. I'm trailing Willie and it looks to me like he's in the same predicament. So, he makes a right into an open door and I follow just assuming that he's hitting the head as well. Nope, not the case. Before I realize it I run straight into his back and he hasn't turned into the bathroom, he's turned into a room and is waiting to get to his safe deposit box. Luckily, he's really cool and is amused by my story and makes a joke about he's glad that I wasn't trying to rob him. I joke back that maybe I should have because he doesn't seem so tough without the pads and helmet. We laugh, I move on before pushing things too far.

Alright, let's move on to the cab stand. Problem is, we don't have any plan for the night, none whatsoever. So, without thinking I blurt out Caesar's Palace. In the car, we hatch our gameplan. I think CP came to mind because it's center strip and I figured we could plan and make any moves from there without wasting much time. Pure is definitely not an option. It was fine the first couple of times, but it's just so damn crowded and quite frankly, we're probably getting a little long in the tooth to be hanging there anyway. Instead, we decide that we'll hit Cleopatra's Barge and go from there.

If you've never been to Cleopatra's Barge, you need to check yourself before rolling your eyes. It's not glitzy, but it is a freaking boat (that even rocks) in the middle of a casino with seating, good 80's/90's cover music, it's free and you can either get drinks at the bar or run to the convenience store deal at the front entrance of CP and bring your drinks back. More than anything, though, it's incredible people watching and prime hunting grounds for 35-45 year old Midwestern women looking to leave what happens in Vegas in Vegas. Just tell these women something to make them feel good about themselves and they are putty in your hands. No standards, no games, just looking to have no strings attached fun. I like these kind of people and it's definitely a nice change. We hang for about an hour and my boy gets engaged in some convo with a gal. Meanwhile, I'm in tears at this guy over on the corner of the boat who is just getting down by himself.

Turns out, he wasn't dancing alone at all. He's dancing with a Midget! Hand to God, I swear on my mother! Not just any midget mind you, like so short if she sat on the curb she could still swing her legs short. Even better, she's partners with the gal who my boy is rapping to. So, being the good friend that I am, I cut in and start dancing with her and move her back towards my boy and his new gal pal to try and help his cause. I can be accused of a lot of things, but nobody could claim I'm not a solid wing man and I've never been afraid to jump on a landmine for a fellow soldier.

Guess what else? They are on their way to the Hard Rock and the midget is driving! Y'all, if you think there was any way on Earth I was passing up a chance to check out her rig then you are on something. We of course mention that we're heading there too and can we catch a ride.

Honestly, the vehicle was a bit of a let down so I'll save time. We get to the Hard Rock, hang with them at the Center bar for a minute and then decide, what the hell, we'll give Body English a shot. Clearly, this place isn't what it once was a year or so ago, but it was a pretty good crowd on a Saturday night and while a little young, it's now around 2 am and people are lubed up pretty good and gettin it in on the dance floor. One of those nights where there's lots of random making out, a few near fights and lots of phone numbers and promises to text, hang out going down. We end up shutting it down and are out front in the mass chaos by the cab stand.

We like to call an area such as this -- I'm talking the area where a crowded club lets out to -- the catcher's mit. There's scores of drunken people, lonely girls, lonely dudes and lots of opportunities for conversation and to take your best shot at some Parking Lot Pimpin. We are on our game this night/morning and end up heading back to the Flamingo with a group of five gals who are in town on a bachelorrette party. Normally, those deals are totally inpenetrable (sp?) but these girls are really cool. And, they are definitely looking to party.

We hit the center bar at Flamingo and the drinks and shots are flowing like crazy as the sun starts to show up outside the doors. Somehow, we get on the subject of the movie Dirty Dancing and we are talking about the big move at the end where Baby runs across the floor, jumps into Patrick Swayze's hands and they do the swan lift. We decide that we need to test our skills on this. Right now. On the casino floor.

Amazingly enough, the first couple of attempts go pretty well. The girls are all in decent shape, and we are decent sized guys. They aren't perfect lifts, but close enough. More surprising, no casino security stops what is happening despite the obvious risk involved. Sure enough, the last try goes horribly wrong. The last gal runs, ends up a little short on her jump and instead of giving in, my boy decides to be all tough guy and lift her all the way up. But, she's leaning back and the end result is that she gets up in the air and then ends up getting power bombed right onto the floor on her back. First there's the thud, then the deafening silence and then the screams. Thankfully, we realize that the girl is shrieking in laughter. She's in pain, but ok and mostly just punch drunk.

We head up to their rooms for a bit and some fun is had. After that, it's about 8 am or so and the pool is opening up. The two girls who are left, ummm standing I guess, still want to drink and they want to hang at the pool. So, being the trooper we are, we buy suits at the gift shop and hit the pool with them for a while. Nothing like hanging at the pool at 8 in the morning and taking a dip to kind of bring yourself to your senses even though you can't think straight. (What kind of sense does that make).

Finally, at about 9 am we can't do no more. We say our goodbyes and head to get a cab back to the Mandalay laughing and celebrating the whole way. Amazingly enough, the last two girls are still hanging at the pool and had just ordered drinks. We never found out what happened to them either becuase the numbers they gave us, and likely names too, were fake. See, ladies, you are more than happy to use us men as objects as well. Know what, I don't mind!

Only one more installment to go!

the only reason you dont have my vote for best TR ever, is because there are no effin PICS.

You do get my vote to be the official writer of the may aod invasion TR.

Wish I had some, but I think of all the times I've ever been to Vegas (at least 35) I've maybe taken a grand total of one picture. It was at a bachelor party when a groom passed out on his feet, fell through a glass table and just slept right there all slumped over and disfigured.

I'm just not a picture guy and none of my friends are either. Wait, we did get our pictures with Elvis once outside of the IP. I'll see if I can dig that up. LOL.

THank you, though. I actually feel off my game. If my main partner in crime could write this thing (he's a professional writer) it would be way better.

the only reason you dont have my vote for best TR ever, is because there are no effin PICS.

You do get my vote to be the official writer of the may aod invasion TR.

Great TR!! I agree with Dnix though...do we get pics?

nice TR. Keep it coming

+2 Bravo, bravo. I'm in awe-35 times? Crazy fun, and if I thought the bar was high before- you've definitely schooled me.

EPIC report ricky!!! can't wait for the last part

haha Ricky Clemons is definitely keeping the pimp hand strong.. he has to be a brotha!

Loving the TR so far.. not completely unbelievable, but some pics would help :)

Again, wish I had pics. I just don't do them. Not just for Vegas either, not anywhere. For whatever reason I've always hated getting my picture taken.

Again, wish I had pics. I just don't do them. Not just for Vegas either, not anywhere. For whatever reason I've always hated getting my picture taken.

+1! I'm with you on this one... don't take pictures, don't have pictures, don't like pictures.

+2 Bravo, bravo. I'm in awe-35 times? Crazy fun, and if I thought the bar was high before- you've definitely schooled me.

THanks. LOL. I just believe in letting my nuts hang. Plus, I pretty much can't fall asleep before 7 or 8 in the morning in Vegas. Too much excitement.

I'm lucky, my line of work takes me to Vegas at least 2-3 times a year and then I always fit in at least one or two additional trips. Been that way since my first trip back in 2001 (I think) when I stayed at the Luxor and fell in love with Vegas.

where are you rfrom RC? are you going to make it out for the MAYBONANZA???

where are you rfrom RC? are you going to make it out for the MAYBONANZA???

KC area most recently -- and probably not much longer -- but I've bounced around a bit.

Wish I could make it in May, but can't. Work will require I be elsehwere.

I will be there in late April though.

Also, planning to be there the first weekend of December. Have to go out to So-Cal for work and am trying to decide whether I'll do Thursday and Sunday nights in Vegas, or Saturday/Sunday.

But, she's leaning back and the end result is that she gets up in the air and then ends up getting power bombed right onto the floor on her back. First there's the thud, then the deafening silence and then the screams. Thankfully, we realize that the girl is shrieking in laughter. She's in pain, but ok and mostly just punch drunk.


This part had me rollin' man...good work. Great TR so far...can't wait for the end.

I've read this TR 2 times.. it's so funny I love it

this is one of the best TRs EVER.

Had to go through and make some very subtle changes at the request of my boy Tony_Key. I screwed up the bartender part a little, she was from another casino, not the IP.

Hopefully, Tony will be stopping by to fill in some other blanks and share some of his side stories.

I'll get to my last installment a little later. Not near as wild, but still pretty fun, as the first couple of nights. As you'll remember, I've got a date (for lack of a better word) already scheduled for Sunday.

I'd like to take this opportunity to tip my hat and call ricky_clemons my daddy.

HAHA "power bombed"

Final Day, Love, TELL ME HOW OLD MY DAUGHTER IS!

Phew, we finally make it back up to our room sometime around 930 or 945 in the morning and it's been a long ass night. Still, it's tough to fall asleep. The hearts are racing from way too much red bull and vodka, the sun is out and the wind is howling something nasty outside. Finally, after a long shower and some settling down, it's time to get some sleep.

Somewhere around 3pm or so, we start to wake up and feel strangely refreshed. Yes we're tired, but miraculously we aren't too hung over thanks to the ridiculous job we did of hydrating ourselves during the afternoon, evening and morning.

So, we head down to the Mandalay Buffet and get a quality meal. We pretty much hadn't eaten since the afternoon before downtown so the food was welcomed. From there, we move on to the pool area. Now, I've stayed at the Mandalay Bay before, but this is the first time that I've ever really checked out the pool. It was a little chilly in the water because of the breeze and the wave pool area was kind of shady, but we ran into a lot of chill people.

Oh snap, at about 430 or so I remember, I'm supposed to have a date with the gal I'd met on Friday. I check my phone and she hasn't called so it's obvious she's not stressing. I like that in a girl. She's not going to chase me and be desperate, that's really sexy in my book. So, I send her a text message asking if we're still on to do something and if so, give me a call as we head to the car.

I'm a huge shoe collector, so I have to get over to Undeafeted and see what they've got to offer. Because of some connections I have with some folks at Nike, I've got a pretty ridiculous collection but I'm always looking for more and have always heard great things about Undftd but never had a chance to really check it out. Honestly, I was a little letdown. NIce little boutique shoe store, but nothing all that exclusive and worse, NOTHING that I didn't already have or want. I do pick up a hoody and t though. Anyway, the more important thing is that Friday girl calls me and says that she's still interested in doing something. We decide to try and score some tickets to Love and catch some dinner.

So, we race back to the hotel and by 6 o'clock I've managed to wrangle up some tickets to the show and set dinner reservations. Tony_Key leaves to gamble and get hammered. I'll call him after I'm done.

Because I've always wanted to eat there, we are going to eat at Bautista's Hole in the Wall. The place isn't the greatest food, the wine is terrible (but unlimited), but that isn't why you go there. The atmosphere is great and the conversation with my date is a lot of fun. She's a really good girl. Great career, very sure of herself and she doesn't take any crap from anybody. Her confidence is beyond sexy and she has a great sense of humor. Pretty much the kind of girl that I could see myself getting serious with, but she lives halfway across the country and that's a pretty tough deal to swing. But, she's very cool and I think we are both really enjoying a different type night out.

Now, I don't usually drink wine, in fact I hate it. But, since it's flowing for free, i can't lie. I get loose with several glasses and don't really realize how it will hit me. I hadn't planned to go to the show drunk, but oh well. Just hope I can hold it while I'm in the show.

We get over to the Mirage and pick up our tickets. Damn, don't know how but was able to get tickets in the 7th row on the lower level. There's still about 45 minutes or so until show time so we check out the Revolution lounge. I really liked it for a pre-show experience. A lot smaller than most clubs, but pretty chill and it's crowded with folks headed to the show. Of course, they are playing the Beatles and only the Beatles. I like them well enough, but aren't I about to get enough Beatles for the night during the show......I digress.

The show itself. Awesome. I've never been to a Cirque show but I can't imagine there is one much better than Love. Those people are really talented and there's never a dull moment. Really can't go into too many details because I'd have to write forever.......But, I can't recommend it enough.

After the show, we talk about what to do and my date's sister and some friends have a table at the Playboy Club/Moon. I've never been on a Sunday night and have worked myself into a pretty good lather by now, so why not? I call Tony who is over gambling at the IP and he's already slurring his speech (I think it's like 1115 or so) and truthfully, I'm not far behind him. He agrees to go so he walks over to meet us at the Mirage.

We hop a cab to the Palms and head on up. Crowd is pretty good. I've been to Moon a few times before but never really hung out in the Playboy Club. This night we spend almost all of our time in the PC. They are playing mostly techno/house upstairs in Moon and I hate that kind of music. In PC, though, they are playing a ton of hip/hop, r&b, top 40'ish type stuff. Basically, what I like to hear in a club.

Something you should know about me, is that if I hear a song once, I pretty much remember the lyrics for the rest of my life so we invented a gambling/drinking game based on if we'd ever run across a song I didn't know (didn't happen) which is fun. We seem to be having a good time, but around 1 am-130 or so, my date's sister turns into a royal biotch. Maybe I missed somebody feeding her after midnight or spilling some water on her, but she turned into a straight up Gremlin. Looking to fight anybody in site, literally hissing at people and making clawing motions. Uggh, what a mess. Because of this, my date has to get her out of there. Not the end either of us was looking for, but at least we'd had a mostly grown up night.

Now solo, or duelo, again. Tony and I have a decision to make. Stay at the Palms or head off? We decide to head off and after a couple of more drinks, we decide that we need to finish things off at the IP with cheap gambling and heavy beer drinking.

Of course, things never go so simple for the two of us. Anyway, we end up meeting some women who are in town for a soccer tournament. They are all staying in a rented house off the strip and would like to go back and party. It's me, Tony and these random dudes from Colorado in town for some type of rollerskating hockey tournament who are headed over. And, we're all headed there in the hockey guys minivan. That's right, we jammed 13 people into the van!!!

Real fun trip to the gals house. My man Tony disappears with one of the women -- and I say women because they are all between 40-50 -- almost immediately and it's me and the hockey dudes. These guys have no game. All talking about their kids, wives, whatever. If you love them so much, what the hell are you doing here at 5 in the morning with some random, horny, hard partying Milfs and divorcees? I actually mention this and they aren't too happy about it. But, they finally leave.

At around 6 or so, it's down to me and one of the women as the only ones left standing. Even though it's fairly chilly outside, we decide now would be a great time to utilize the hot tub. So, I strip down to the boxers and she gets undressed and we hop in. As soon as we're in, she starts heckling me for stil having on my boxers because she has stripped down all the way. I'm like are you serious. Frankly, I'm getting a little weirded out here. Not because I'm in a hot tub with a pretty good looking older women, but because the sun is coming up, it's light out and we're in a residential area where the neighbors can easily see us.

I can't get into all the details, but this gal is really freaky. At one point, she starts asking me to pull her hair and she starts shouting "Tell me how old my daughter is" "Tell me how old my daughter is" and like hitting and biting me. WTF? I mean seriously, WTF? This is already a really tough situation to perform in and now you drop this kind of trash talk on me. WOW! Not only that, she drops a request for me to step out of the tub and do a little something into her hair. Where did this lady come from and why is she such a freak. I can't handle this. No way and have to stop things at this point.

We make our way inside and she makes it pretty clear that I've not done a good job serving my purpose. What the hell, lady? You are the one who is a total freakshow. What should have been fun was turned not all that enjoyable and I chose to stop things before they went all the way because they just got way too damn strange for me. And now, you want to taunt me because of this? Why me?

So we hunt for Tony, roust him up and start figuring out how to get home. They give us directions to a convenience store that is about a half mile walk away and we're on our way. The sun is up, it's seven or so in the morning on a Monday and we're stumbling down some street on the West side of Vegas looking at the casinos rising up from the strip. Hot damn this has been an awesome trip!

The convenience store was awesome. We're loading up on snacks and giggling like drunken schoolgirls and there's lots of kids on their way to school, people on their way to work coming in making it that much funnier to us. Like, look at these folks acting all mature and look where we just were! But, it also illustrates why I love Vegas so much. Not once did somebody look at us funny or with any disapproving manner. It's just another morning in Vegas with weirdos running around convenience stores. No judging. I love it.

Finally, our cab shows and the driver is crazy as all get out. He insists on pointing out every rub and tug joint and giving us his personal review and is almost too interested in our night. Also, the cab is just funny.

We finally get back to the Mandalay at around 8. Head up, sleep pretty much ending our Vegas adventure.

By far the most action packed trip I've ever had.

Well done -- awesome trip report!

Your date on sunday was so cute :)

bravo bravo.......simply amazing!!!!

There's nothing left to say except that it looks like I've got my work cut out for me after my trip.

There's nothing left to say except that it looks like I've got my work cut out for me after my trip.

ive got confidence in you man!

buzzo, nyceguy, and now ricky... we got some major pimps here

buzzo, nyceguy, and now ricky... we got some major pimps here

Don't forget titty man Universal!

Ok, so you made me laugh so much I spluttered my tea all over the screen! Awesome TR and some memorable quotes!

buzzo, nyceguy, and now ricky... we got some major pimps here

Don't forget wishin and Loves. Ladies is pimps too.

Don't forget wishin and Loves. Ladies is pimps too.

Oh yesssssss :D

:D ........................